| How to have pleasurable sex during the menopause Menopause is a natural and unavoidable phase of a woman’s life. As ovarian function declines (naturally or surgically) a range of symptoms may occur, including hot flushes, vaginal dryness, weight gain, increased anxiety, and tiredness. Menopause and sex are still subject to myths and not discussed openly. It can be difficult to raise issues around sexual enjoyment with partners and health professionals. Embarrassment, culture and negativity around sex and ageing can contribute to the acceptance of reduced sexual pleasure or loss of sexual interest during and after menopause. The most important thing in sexual enjoyment is knowing your body and communication, with yourself and with your partners. Self-Awareness and Pleasure Explore your sexuality, what do you like, are you someone who likes sex or are you more interested in physical contact like skin-to-skin contact? Whilst sex is pleasurable, we all have different sex drives. Knowing yourself helps you to communicate with your partner/s. If you masturbate frequently, what feels good, and what doesn’t? If you have never masturbated or do so infrequently, explore taking it gently and find out what you like. Many toys are available for self-pleasure, which you can use alone or with a partner. Once you know what you like, and what turns you on, you can communicate this to your partner/s. Communication: With Yourself: This is the most important thing, firstly communicate with yourself, how do you view your body, are you kind to yourself or do you use negative language/thoughts, when thinking about your body? It is hard to love your body if you are constantly negative about it. Your body no matter its shape and size is amazing, it can do so many things and bring so much joy treat it with respect. Communicate with your partner, explain what is happening with your body, and get your partner/s involved. Discuss sex and if you have lost your sex drive explain why and reassure your partner/s it’s not a rejection of them. Penetration can feel uncomfortable if you have vaginal dryness, water-based lubrication can help, and topical oestrogen also helps and is now available from pharmacies or on prescription. Try out other positions, try out different types of sex, oral, mutual masturbation or just close skin-to-skin contact. The most important thing is to communicate. Seeking Help There are times when it’s essential to seek professional help, especially if nothing seems to be working, your mood isn’t improving, or you’re facing psychosexual issues like vulvodynia or vaginismus. Hypnotherapy can help with psychosexual issues and with body image, anxiety, habits that may affect your sex life such as drinking and other addictions . Loss of sex drive and reduction in pleasurable sex is not an inevitable part of ageing. Sex is for all ages and can continue to be enjoyable, with or without a partner and has many benefits. Frequent sex has been linked to increased immune function, better cardiovascular health, improved mental health and increased longevity. So make sex part of your wellbeing, communicate, seek help if problems are not resolving and enjoy. |
